Six months it's been. It seems like I measure how much time has passed all according to the day Teagan was born. Sometimes I feel I am running the mommy track a bit too often.
I couldn't imagine my life any other way. I am loving it. The thing is I just don't want to lose who I am in the title of "mom." I want being Teagan's mom to contribute to who I am but not consume me and sometimes I feel consumed.
I think it's the amount of freedom that gets lost. The growing up. Being a mom was a decision I made, one I will never regret but sometimes I wish I were able to be a kid again. To go a little crazy. To not care. To drive eighty miles an hour with windows down and music blaring...
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Welcoming Summer
I love this time of year. The hot days and cool nights. Grilling in the backyard, sitting by the fire, hanging out, catching a tan and welcoming summer.
I distinctly remember these days as a kid. Having to go to bed before the sun was out. Listening to the neighbors drive their motorcycles up and down the alley. Always feeling like I was missing the best part of the day. Finally dosing off as I felt the cool breeze drift through the room.
I have always loved this time of year and this year is no exception.
I distinctly remember these days as a kid. Having to go to bed before the sun was out. Listening to the neighbors drive their motorcycles up and down the alley. Always feeling like I was missing the best part of the day. Finally dosing off as I felt the cool breeze drift through the room.
I have always loved this time of year and this year is no exception.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Time of your Life
How long has it been? Too long. Not much has changed but some has. Teagan is coming along quite well and I am doing my best keeping up with things.
Work has been a challenge lately. I love my job but it sometimes seem that for all the hours I am putting in, I am barley paying my bills. Baby's dad is helping out some and I have caught a ton of breaks from others so I'm not complaining, but like I said it is sometimes a challenge.
In fact, life often comes a cross as one big challenge. I have a thing for challenges. I love them! Or to clarify, I love to conquer them!
I have some high hopes for this year. Goals I like to say. I don't necessarily want to start back to school but with only five classes left at Metro, it's a challenge I am bent on getting through. I would like to get into an apartment this fall, so saving up is another summer challenge. The goal here is to pay off my car, and find a place by Teagan's first birthday.
Being a mom is another challenge with a goal set to be not only a decent mom but a good mom. Not just to provide for him things but opportunities, lessons and yes even challenges as he grows up. For now though I am just trying to spend as much time as I can with him and am enjoying him as a baby!
Plans falter, I know. I may miss my goals by miles even though the aim looked good. Things once perceived as challenges may too soon fall under the title of trials.
It takes four times around the same track to run a mile. I have come to realize that the same is true in life. We sometimes have to run the same road many times just to accomplish one thing. I have to remind myself that every road leads us somewhere and every challenge meets a goal. And in the end we are right where we're supposed to be.
Presently I am right here. Sitting at my computer, baby in arms, marveling over the fact that it was one year and two days ago that I found out about my little Teagan. I look back in amazement too because for all the shit that happened last year, I will always remember 2008 not only as a challenge but also as the beginning of the best years of my life. "...make the best of this test and don't ask why, it's not a question but a answer learned in time...it's something unpredictable but in the end it's right" ...I hope you have the time of your life.
Work has been a challenge lately. I love my job but it sometimes seem that for all the hours I am putting in, I am barley paying my bills. Baby's dad is helping out some and I have caught a ton of breaks from others so I'm not complaining, but like I said it is sometimes a challenge.
In fact, life often comes a cross as one big challenge. I have a thing for challenges. I love them! Or to clarify, I love to conquer them!
I have some high hopes for this year. Goals I like to say. I don't necessarily want to start back to school but with only five classes left at Metro, it's a challenge I am bent on getting through. I would like to get into an apartment this fall, so saving up is another summer challenge. The goal here is to pay off my car, and find a place by Teagan's first birthday.
Being a mom is another challenge with a goal set to be not only a decent mom but a good mom. Not just to provide for him things but opportunities, lessons and yes even challenges as he grows up. For now though I am just trying to spend as much time as I can with him and am enjoying him as a baby!
Plans falter, I know. I may miss my goals by miles even though the aim looked good. Things once perceived as challenges may too soon fall under the title of trials.
It takes four times around the same track to run a mile. I have come to realize that the same is true in life. We sometimes have to run the same road many times just to accomplish one thing. I have to remind myself that every road leads us somewhere and every challenge meets a goal. And in the end we are right where we're supposed to be.
Presently I am right here. Sitting at my computer, baby in arms, marveling over the fact that it was one year and two days ago that I found out about my little Teagan. I look back in amazement too because for all the shit that happened last year, I will always remember 2008 not only as a challenge but also as the beginning of the best years of my life. "...make the best of this test and don't ask why, it's not a question but a answer learned in time...it's something unpredictable but in the end it's right" ...I hope you have the time of your life.
As Beautiful as the Day
Last Saturday was a wonderful day. I was running around frantically doing a few errands before work. Trying to get everything done so I could take Teagan back home and head off to work. I was only going in for three hours. So I called in. First time ever. I justified it in many ways.
First, they were hours I picked up and several times I have come in for others when they called in. Second, rarely do Teagan and I get a whole day to ourselves. Third, it was a beautiful day and I simply couldn't pass it up.
We didn't do anything too exciting. I finished my errands, did a little extra shopping and took Teagan to visit his Great-grandpa and grandma. We even went for a walk outside and then to Old Navy to buy my little guy some clothes for spring (how he grows!). It was great, as beautiful as the day.
To top it all off, the girls-Maggie, mom and I- got Coke Icees and rented a movie. Just one of those days you look back on and smile. I know each paragraph should have a minimum of three sentences so I will concur again, It was a wonderful day.
First, they were hours I picked up and several times I have come in for others when they called in. Second, rarely do Teagan and I get a whole day to ourselves. Third, it was a beautiful day and I simply couldn't pass it up.
We didn't do anything too exciting. I finished my errands, did a little extra shopping and took Teagan to visit his Great-grandpa and grandma. We even went for a walk outside and then to Old Navy to buy my little guy some clothes for spring (how he grows!). It was great, as beautiful as the day.
To top it all off, the girls-Maggie, mom and I- got Coke Icees and rented a movie. Just one of those days you look back on and smile. I know each paragraph should have a minimum of three sentences so I will concur again, It was a wonderful day.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Perfect
It has been nearly a year since it all began and Teagan is already almost three months old! Time sure does fly. I suppose you could say I have adjusted somewhat to being a mom. The mom title still throws me for a loop but I do love my son. More than anything in the world. He is so precious and while being a single mom was never what I wanted for myself, there still isn't anything I would do differently if given the opportunity.
Sometimes people ask me about being a mom and they say, "It was worth it though, wasn't it?" I always have to pause before answering as a wave of regretfully emotions echos through my mind until I remember Teagan and how much I love him. And I always answer "Yes, it is."
I have my moments. Times where I just have to break down and cry. It's hard and the beauty of caring for a little life doesn't always make things easier. Sometimes I feel alone. I wish for someone who would take care of me and my son and love us both. But in the end things couldn't be better right now. I know how blessed I am, not only by my little boy but also by my family. My mom has never ceased taking care of me and has now added another to the list. She watches Teagan while I'm at work for next to nothing, not to mention makes me dinner when I work late and lets me live at home-no rent. The rest of the family showers Teagan with love. Kisses, hugs and comforts him when he cries and does a million other things for us as well.
So sometimes, when I'm down and out so to speak or just plain bummed. I remind myself how well off I am and even though its tough and things didn't turn out quite as I wanted, I remember that everything is just how it should be. All mistakes and regrets aside, it's perfect.
Sometimes people ask me about being a mom and they say, "It was worth it though, wasn't it?" I always have to pause before answering as a wave of regretfully emotions echos through my mind until I remember Teagan and how much I love him. And I always answer "Yes, it is."
I have my moments. Times where I just have to break down and cry. It's hard and the beauty of caring for a little life doesn't always make things easier. Sometimes I feel alone. I wish for someone who would take care of me and my son and love us both. But in the end things couldn't be better right now. I know how blessed I am, not only by my little boy but also by my family. My mom has never ceased taking care of me and has now added another to the list. She watches Teagan while I'm at work for next to nothing, not to mention makes me dinner when I work late and lets me live at home-no rent. The rest of the family showers Teagan with love. Kisses, hugs and comforts him when he cries and does a million other things for us as well.
So sometimes, when I'm down and out so to speak or just plain bummed. I remind myself how well off I am and even though its tough and things didn't turn out quite as I wanted, I remember that everything is just how it should be. All mistakes and regrets aside, it's perfect.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
About
This is a blog about me. It's about my son Teagan and the new road he has taken me down. It's about life, the ups and downs, the twists and turns. It's about forgetting the past, accepting the present and looking forward to the future. It's a glimpse of change.
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